


Wanna Sleep Next To You

by GayaIsANerd



Series: I Wish These Were All Lovesongs [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, References to Depression, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 17:50:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11949492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayaIsANerd/pseuds/GayaIsANerd
Summary: Even is slipping and he's helpless to stop it





	Wanna Sleep Next To You

Even is lying in bed, the covers pulled up to his chin. He’s feeling… He’s feeling like shit, honestly. It’s not a depressive episode, not yet at least. And he knows he should go out, text his friends, let their energy fill him up until he’s feeling better but he just can’t.

He can’t help but cloak himself in sadness and let it overcome him. He can’t help but let the darkness overcome him.

He’s slipping and he’s helpless to stop it.

Suddenly he feels so alone. Surrounded by evidence he’s not, surrounded by the smell of Isak and him, the pinging of his cell phone alerting him to the presence of his friends in the groupchat, he feels alone.

He tries to sum up all the good in his life.

The Bakka squad, but that friendship crashed once already.

The Nissen squad, but would they be friends with him if Isak wasn’t there?

His parents, but he’s been so hard to deal with, how can they still love him?

Sonja, but that friendship will never be the same after his betrayal.

Isak, but he will one day realise he’s too good for Even, and inevitably leave him.

So, he’s alone. Alone in his mind. Alone in this world.

He draws up the covers even further and wills his body to sleep, begging for his brain to just shut the fuck up.

He wakes up, after blissfully falling asleep, to the door of the apartment opening and closing. Even wants to jump out of bed, pretend nothing is wrong. But then he remembers the dishes he promised to do but didn’t and the laundry that’s still in the washing machine and will smell by now and the half-finished painting he had said he was going to finish today.

So, the self-loathing comes back with a vengeance. Isak is going to be mad, or disappointed. He should leave him, he deserves so much better than this.

Isak’s voice rings through the apartment, “Evi? I’m home!”

Even hears him come into their living room/bedroom and drawl for a bit before noticing his boyfriend in bed.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” the concern lacing Isak’s voice burn through Even, starts up a chorus of self-deprecating voices in his head.

“I forgot the laundry, and the dishes,” Even mumbles, voice weak from under the covers.

Isak doesn’t answer, just drops his hoodie over the chair and crawls under the covers with Even. The blanket is pulled over both their heads and Isak nudges Even’s nose with his.

It’s silent, the only sound their breathing. The light filters through the blanket, painting Isak in soft blues. He looks ethereal, like a fairy-tale come to life. Even can’t help but trace the shadow his eyelashes cast on his cheeks.

Isak doesn’t speak as Even strokes his index finger under Isak’s eyes, blissfully devoid of bags. He remains silent as Even’s finger follows the path of his cheekbones, strokes the shell of his ear, goes down to the side of his neck, back up over his throat, ending at Isak’s lips.

It’s when Even’s finger rests on Isak’s lower lip, the younger boy speaks.

“Baby,” he breathes the word as a prayer.

Even crumbles. Isak’s breath ghosts over his finger, warms his face, and Even crumbles. He sobs, hard wretched tears. They are being punched out of him, like his pain is screaming to be heard, like if he keeps it in, he will suffocate in his tears.

He’s unable to breathe, the tears clogging his throat like a wild animal clawing his way out.

Isak’s eyes grow big for one second, before he grabs Even, drags him close to him, as he’s trying to pull his boyfriend inside of him.

Even wishes that was possible, he wishes he could crawl inside of Isak, make a home for himself next to his beating heart, where it’s safe.

Isak doesn’t sush him, he lets him cry out, making patterns on his shirt that spell out heartbreak with his tears.

Even’s grip on Isak must hurt, he thinks it might bruise, but the selfish side of him, the side that so desperately needs Isak, can’t help but be glad for the bruises. If Isak leaves him, let the bruises be a reminder of him.

When the sobs subside, Isak kisses the top of Even’s head and Even kisses Isak’s collarbone.

Before he can stop himself, Even speaks the words that are screaming inside of him, “I’m so alone.”

Isak stills. Even can hear him thinking.

Then Isak suddenly turns and for one, heartbreaking, moment, Even thinks he’s going to leave then and there. Instead, Isak turns them so Even is on his back, Isak lying on top of him.

He looks him in the eye before kissing his cheek, reminding Even of that time, so long ago, when Isak found Even, ran through the entire city just to tell him he was not alone.

“I’m here, Even,” Isak whispers, “I’m here and you’re not getting rid of me.”

They kiss, a kiss that says more than words could ever say.

“You’re not alone,” Isak says, against Even’s lips and Even sighs.

He doesn’t know how to respond, but luckily, Isak doesn’t expect him to.

“Let’s just sleep, okay?”

When Even nods, Isak settles down on his chest. His weight grounding Even, holding him steady.

Even needs to talk to Isak more, he needs to call his therapist, he needs to message his friends back. But right now, that doesn’t matter, right now, he pulls his arms around his boy and closes his eyes.

As Isak peppers soft kisses on Even’s chest, the voices in his head subside, until only Isak’s voice is heard telling him he’s not alone.

As Isak’s breath evens out, Even’s fears settle down, looking at this beautiful boy in his arms, how can he doubt their love?

_But I wanna sleep next to you_

_And I wanna come home to you_

_I wanna hold hands with you_

_I wanna be close to you_

_So come over now and talk me down_

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! <3  
> This is... angsty, I'm sorry! I promise I will write lots of fluff too!
> 
> [Find me on Tumblr](http://greathalesonfire.tumblr.com/)  
> I already made a playlist for this series, but it's not nearly finished!! And not in the correct order yet, either. So it's a beta, of some sorts, but if you want to listen: [I Wish These Were All Lovesongs](https://open.spotify.com/user/117444055/playlist/4xl5DMbOugIVbfdR7ZkDiD)  
> If you have any songs you want me to use, shoot me a message on Tumblr or comment here!


End file.
